B. Stiff Is Back!

Wow, I really left you guys hanging, huh? Well, I’m back. Every once in a while, when you get too comfortable, a metaphorical semi blasts through your living room. You try to clean up after it as best you can, but then a bunch of monsters hop out the back. You try to sell them on the idea of attacking your neighbors and not your family (sorry) but their laser rifles are honed in on your loved ones and they know the layout of your house so you know they’ve been sent specifically for you so in the end (still just a metaphor) you lose everything you thought you had. In the aftermath, when you feel like a ghost drifting through a desolate landscape littered with the memories of the man you once were, you turn to old issues of the Punisher because you know that’s what you have to become if you want to survive. Survival demands you keep moving, and it doesn’t hand out rewards, only duties.

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My metaphor went off the shit-end of the stick, but what I’m trying to say is that I’m going to be writing a lot more for you guys in 2017. But 2016 wasn’t as much of a bust as it looked like! Even while struggling against horrors that no reasonable universe would ever ask anyone to face, I still wrote the third Heavy Metal Thunder book. It won’t be available until the wizards at Cubus Games finish the ritual that turns it into an app, but I’ve done my part. (I’m sure they also want to complete Frankenstein Wars first.) I also knocked out a couple of scripts for your enjoyment, if you’re interested: Phoenix and HUMAN.EXE.

I almost forgot, I also made part of an old-school RPG for you guys, too! You can read about it or even download it HERE.

See? 2016 wasn’t so bad, now, was it?

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As for 2017, not only do I want to finish Demonworld Book 7: The Demon War (finally!), but I also want to write a historical fiction novel. How crazy is that? I have a particular man and a particular era in mind, and I’ve been doing more research than ten professors melted down and squeezed together into one super-professor. I had a few intense dreams, too, where I would see things from that character’s perspective, and would even wake up crying! Pretty overwhelming stuff! So I think my muse is telling me that this person’s story needs to be told. Don’t worry – it’s going to be entertaining as hell!

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So let’s beat the hell out of 2017! We’ll slay one day after another, but we’ll let one day live so that it can run to 2018 and give a garbled, tearful, whiny warning.

“Beware! Beware the B. Stiff!!!”

The Official Kyle B. Stiff Update

Hey everyone, thought I’d give you an update. I’m sure the few but formidable fans of Demonworld and Heavy Metal Thunder are wondering when the next book is coming out. These days I’ve started the process (once again) of finding an agent. I have to accept that I’m not very good at self-promotion, so self-publishing is never going to take off for me. I need the hideous strength of the established world of publishing. Instead of fighting for one reader here and one reader there, I need books with nice covers spewing out of giant bookstores where people can’t even get in the door without being assaulted by posters and displays telling them that buying Demonworld is not a choice, but a necessity. That’s our path to victory, readers.

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But to get there, I need an agent. It’s been a while since I took part in the cycle of looking / finding / submitting / being rejected, so things have changed. I have to admit… agents have gotten weird. Sorry, but it’s true. Back in the day, they used to say, “I publish science fiction. Send your manuscript to this address” or “I publish literature, here’s where I can be found.” These days, there’s a bit more dictation up front. The modern day superagent wants to find “the next big thing” rather than the next great read, and they’re getting specific. “I would love to receive a manuscript about a reluctant space pirate with a wise-cracking dog in a wheelchair!” or “Writers, I’m looking for a superhero zombie story with a sarcastic granny and a gay Vietnamese good-guy serial killer. Also must be reminiscent of Breaking Bad.” Uh… I’ve got six Demonworld books that readers seem to like, how’s that sound? No? Okay – see you later!

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As you can see, it’s a little frustrating. Obviously they want the humorous, quirky, short-lived cash cow, but I think it’s the dark stuff, the complicated and tragic tales, that endure. Lots of readers agree. Nobody ever read Game of Thrones or Stephen King or Dune or Wool or Joe Abercrombie because they wanted a light-hearted romp. Lots of readers want to see characters pushed beyond their limits. They don’t want the sitcom version of Tolkien. They want something that can grow with them.

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But I’m rambling. Basically I have to find an agent who believes in Demonworld just as much as I do, just as much as my readers do. Any help would be appreciated… maybe a collection of signatures? I don’t know. Like I said, I’m bad at this.

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But there’s only one path to victory, dear readers… and that path is guarded by the agents.

Don’t forget, the first Demonworld book is still free if you click here!

 

Demonworld Six Murders Readers’ Faces!

… and it’s using my worn-out body as a flail!

Hey everyone, Demonworld Book Six is now available at Amazon! It’s already gotten some great reviews; thank you, readers! It’s really nice to know that people are willing to give their time and attention to Wodan and his strange journey. It’s also good to know that you guys are enjoying the turns the story has taken. I was afraid people might think this installment of Demonworld was just too weird. But when you’re in a post-apocalyptic holy land contending with wasteland gods, weird is the norm.

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Click to…

See the book at Amazon!

See my updated Amazon author page and my massive array of textual oddities!

See the first Demonworld book, which is free!

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Thanks for sticking with me, readers! Let’s keep going until Wodi reaches the end of his path!

 

David Bowie’s Blackstar: Possible Occult Interpretations

The beautifully weird video for David Bowie’s new song Blackstar may be much more than just a crazy collage of random imagery. It’s full of occult references! Meaning can be found, but only if you’re willing to strip away comfortable ideas and step into the world of gods and symbols and unexpected correlations. Read the full piece!

. . .

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The Lifes and Times of Hoodel Gibbens: My Newest and Strangest Book

Kyle B. Stiff is known for writing bleak and tragic sci-fi, but that’s not all he’s good for. Let’s face it, Kyle B. Stiff is also known for taking preconceived notions and roundhouse-kicking them, uppercutting them, even interrogating them in his basement for weeks on end until they are psychologically broken down. Kyle B. Stiff’s latest book surely rewrites the book on how Kyle B. Stiff writes books! Let me introduce… Hoodel Gibbens, the world’s first writing canine!

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Sci-fi’s master of disaster now brings you the most light-hearted and delightful tale to ever grace a bookshelf… The Lifes and Times of Hoodel Gibbens!

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This is a book about a dog who can write. He lives with a bunch of cats. He likes to eat treats, sing a little bit, and do a “you know what” on the kitchen floor when his owner isn’t looking. If it sounds completely awesome… it is! You can get a paperback or a Kindle version by clicking HERE. If you’re ready for a unique experience, then go for it!

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I realize there are people out there demanding to know when I’ll finish Demonworld Six or the third Heavy Metal Thunder gamebook. But this tale of Hoodel Gibbens is more than just a chew-chaw to widdle away the hours in between my  “real” projects. No, Lifes and Times is a project so strange and dreamlike and heartwarmingly incomprehensible that it can only stand shoulder-to-shoulder alongside my other incredible books.

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Sol Invictus, the sequel to Heavy Metal Thunder, now available as an app!

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I’m laid out on a metal table and a man is standing over me with a device like a hose. It’s very, very sharp on one end, and as he holds it overhead he explains that it has finally become necessary to jam this thing into my forehead, turn the suction up all the way, and drain something like hamburger meat mixed with fish slurry from my body. There’s a man on the other end of the hose prepping a container that looks like it could hold at least ten gallons, so I think this might be curtains for Kyle B. I explain to the man standing over me that I need to make a blog post to get the word out about Sol Invictus, my latest gamebook app. He sighs and looks at his watch.

“Fine,” he says, “but you need to make it quick.”

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For those of you who don’t know, Heavy Metal Thunder was a gamebook app developed by Cubus Games, and it allowed players to direct a sci-fi story involving a mentally unstable jetpack infantryman in a journey across a solar system occupied by alien invaders. Now the sequel, Sol Invictus, is available, and it continues the tale of that same jetpack infantryman as he takes part in a series of military operations in outer space that result in a climax so senses-shattering that it’s been known to cast gamers to the floor in a broken heap.

It’s available for iOS and Android!

Here’s an in-depth review that really blew my mind, and here’s an interview of me that was so controversial it resulted in me being laid on a metal table and having my body shaved and ritualistically cleansed in preparation for a ceremonial mercy killing!

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To those of you wondering why I still haven’t delivered Demonworld Book Six into your hands, well… this is pretty good as far as consolation prizes go, don’t you think?