The Official Kyle B. Stiff Update

Hey everyone, thought I’d give you an update. I’m sure the few but formidable fans of Demonworld and Heavy Metal Thunder are wondering when the next book is coming out. These days I’ve started the process (once again) of finding an agent. I have to accept that I’m not very good at self-promotion, so self-publishing is never going to take off for me. I need the hideous strength of the established world of publishing. Instead of fighting for one reader here and one reader there, I need books with nice covers spewing out of giant bookstores where people can’t even get in the door without being assaulted by posters and displays telling them that buying Demonworld is not a choice, but a necessity. That’s our path to victory, readers.

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But to get there, I need an agent. It’s been a while since I took part in the cycle of looking / finding / submitting / being rejected, so things have changed. I have to admit… agents have gotten weird. Sorry, but it’s true. Back in the day, they used to say, “I publish science fiction. Send your manuscript to this address” or “I publish literature, here’s where I can be found.” These days, there’s a bit more dictation up front. The modern day superagent wants to find “the next big thing” rather than the next great read, and they’re getting specific. “I would love to receive a manuscript about a reluctant space pirate with a wise-cracking dog in a wheelchair!” or “Writers, I’m looking for a superhero zombie story with a sarcastic granny and a gay Vietnamese good-guy serial killer. Also must be reminiscent of Breaking Bad.” Uh… I’ve got six Demonworld books that readers seem to like, how’s that sound? No? Okay – see you later!

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As you can see, it’s a little frustrating. Obviously they want the humorous, quirky, short-lived cash cow, but I think it’s the dark stuff, the complicated and tragic tales, that endure. Lots of readers agree. Nobody ever read Game of Thrones or Stephen King or Dune or Wool or Joe Abercrombie because they wanted a light-hearted romp. Lots of readers want to see characters pushed beyond their limits. They don’t want the sitcom version of Tolkien. They want something that can grow with them.

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But I’m rambling. Basically I have to find an agent who believes in Demonworld just as much as I do, just as much as my readers do. Any help would be appreciated… maybe a collection of signatures? I don’t know. Like I said, I’m bad at this.

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But there’s only one path to victory, dear readers… and that path is guarded by the agents.

Don’t forget, the first Demonworld book is still free if you click here!

 

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Sol Invictus, the sequel to Heavy Metal Thunder, now available as an app!

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I’m laid out on a metal table and a man is standing over me with a device like a hose. It’s very, very sharp on one end, and as he holds it overhead he explains that it has finally become necessary to jam this thing into my forehead, turn the suction up all the way, and drain something like hamburger meat mixed with fish slurry from my body. There’s a man on the other end of the hose prepping a container that looks like it could hold at least ten gallons, so I think this might be curtains for Kyle B. I explain to the man standing over me that I need to make a blog post to get the word out about Sol Invictus, my latest gamebook app. He sighs and looks at his watch.

“Fine,” he says, “but you need to make it quick.”

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For those of you who don’t know, Heavy Metal Thunder was a gamebook app developed by Cubus Games, and it allowed players to direct a sci-fi story involving a mentally unstable jetpack infantryman in a journey across a solar system occupied by alien invaders. Now the sequel, Sol Invictus, is available, and it continues the tale of that same jetpack infantryman as he takes part in a series of military operations in outer space that result in a climax so senses-shattering that it’s been known to cast gamers to the floor in a broken heap.

It’s available for iOS and Android!

Here’s an in-depth review that really blew my mind, and here’s an interview of me that was so controversial it resulted in me being laid on a metal table and having my body shaved and ritualistically cleansed in preparation for a ceremonial mercy killing!

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To those of you wondering why I still haven’t delivered Demonworld Book Six into your hands, well… this is pretty good as far as consolation prizes go, don’t you think?

Heavy Metal Thunder now available for iPhone and iPad!

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 The long-awaited day is finally here. If you’re a fan of gamebooks or RPGs or video games and you’re looking for a new kind of game that’ll take you to the edge and back again, then it’s time to ascend balls-first into the most intense gamebook experience ever developed by the human species.

 

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If you’re not sure what Heavy Metal Thunder is, check out my interview with Cubus Games, the guys who developed the app version of Heavy Metal Thunder. That piece explains it all.

For only three bucks (the price of a cat’s tongue and a wad of human hair on the black market), why not check it out? To see the iPhone / iPad version, click here. If you’re an Android user – just hang in there!

 

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Update: Demonworld 6 and Heavy Metal Thunder App

Dear readers, I know it seems like the world has grown dark and all Kyle B. Stiffs have been lost. In an endless labyrinth of enslavement, the tale of Wodan has become only scattered fragments, a faded poster on a broken down bus, a chipped action figure clutched by a skeletal hand on the edge of a battlefield… you get the idea. Oh, the frustration that Demonworld Six is not yet available to the public!!!

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Well, here’s one piece of good news. My gamebook, Heavy Metal Thunder, is being turned into an app complete with music and illustrations by Cubus Games. I’ve been hard at work beating this thing into shape and making it worthy of the attention of the human species. We’re hoping for a release date at the end of June for all iProducts.

As for Demonworld Book Six: The Love of Tyrants, progress is being made, I assure you! I have to interact with the outside world more than I used to, but I’m researching ways for introverts to sustain and preserve their energetic life-force so that after an introvert clocks out he can truly unleash his New Age juices onto worthwhile projects. Demonworld Six is a beast, a monster, what people in the industry call “a large book”. It’s taking all I’ve got to keep things on track (note: things haven’t been kept on track very well), but I’m hoping it will be available by the end of the year.

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In the meantime, if you’re already a fan of Demonworld, then tell someone else about it. There’s no need for people to be reading a bunch of ridiculous nonsense written by jokers who don’t really care about their fans and, let’s face it, have probably written less than fifteen books before they started picking up massive checks and going on long vacations. And if you haven’t tried Demonworld yet, then… what gives?! The first book’s free!

Commence Operation: SOL INVICTUS

Or: Demonworld Five came out a year ago, what the hell have I been doing since then?!

By Kyle B. Stiff

Is it possible that the guy who can knock out a book in two months has had his thumb up his ass for an entire year?

No, of course it’s not possible.

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One thing I did is write the second Heavy Metal Thunder book, which is now available at Amazon. Six hundred pages of branching-narrative choice-driven story for three bucks… you can’t beat that.

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But it didn’t take me an entire year to write one book. Oh, no, not even close. I don’t fuck around when it comes to fucking around. See, I got this crazy idea in my head that I could illustrate my own cover for Heavy Metal Thunder Book 2. When I found out that my skills had gotten rusty, I didn’t give up (like I should have), but instead I expanded the scope of my plans to include illustrating every Demonworld and Heavy Metal Thunder cover on my own. I even had trouble sleeping at night because all these “amazing” ideas would blast into my head. But when it came time to produce, I kept failing and had to restart over and over again.

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Plus I’m working full-time these days. Burning through free time to work on awful-looking covers instead of writing like I should have been eventually beat the snot out of my once-virile body. After several months of this nonsense I had a breakdown and woke up naked in a pile of dried spaghetti next to a wall covered in pentagrams and scratch marks (and all of my fingernails were completely torn off). I took off my sunglasses, reflected on the limits inherent in my current incarnation, and then decided that I would never, ever, ever spend one more second worrying about covers ever again.

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So that’s why the cover of Sol Invictus is a recycled palette-swap of the first one. Sorry about that. But anyway, after months of torturing myself, I’m alive again. I’ve got a couple of blog posts to knock out, then I’m going to finally write Demonworld Book 6: The Love of Tyrants. It’s going to be longer than the average Demonworld book, plus I’ve got to spend most of my day polishin’ knobs just to survive, but I’m a freakin’ SOLJAH so the next Demonworld’s gonna be in your hands before you know it!

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Kyle B. Stiff’s Epiphany About Open-World Games

Kyle B. Stiff sometimes has ideas that can improve video games. This is one of them.

Kyle B. Stiff is going to take you away on a wondrous journey full of unasked-for opinions continually vomited out by an overblown ego!

Kyle B. Stiff is going to take you away on a wondrous journey full of unasked-for opinions continually vomited out by an overblown ego!

Gandalf’s Advice on the Subject of Aliens

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Here’s all you need to know about the possibility of extraterrestrial intelligent life. For some reason, I incorporated Gandalf into it. Go figure! If you’re interested, click here.

Don't fall for the gift of advanced technology "palantir" scam.