The Lifes and Times of Hoodel Gibbens: My Newest and Strangest Book

Kyle B. Stiff is known for writing bleak and tragic sci-fi, but that’s not all he’s good for. Let’s face it, Kyle B. Stiff is also known for taking preconceived notions and roundhouse-kicking them, uppercutting them, even interrogating them in his basement for weeks on end until they are psychologically broken down. Kyle B. Stiff’s latest book surely rewrites the book on how Kyle B. Stiff writes books! Let me introduce… Hoodel Gibbens, the world’s first writing canine!

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Sci-fi’s master of disaster now brings you the most light-hearted and delightful tale to ever grace a bookshelf… The Lifes and Times of Hoodel Gibbens!

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This is a book about a dog who can write. He lives with a bunch of cats. He likes to eat treats, sing a little bit, and do a “you know what” on the kitchen floor when his owner isn’t looking. If it sounds completely awesome… it is! You can get a paperback or a Kindle version by clicking HERE. If you’re ready for a unique experience, then go for it!

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I realize there are people out there demanding to know when I’ll finish Demonworld Six or the third Heavy Metal Thunder gamebook. But this tale of Hoodel Gibbens is more than just a chew-chaw to widdle away the hours in between my  “real” projects. No, Lifes and Times is a project so strange and dreamlike and heartwarmingly incomprehensible that it can only stand shoulder-to-shoulder alongside my other incredible books.

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Sol Invictus, the sequel to Heavy Metal Thunder, now available as an app!

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I’m laid out on a metal table and a man is standing over me with a device like a hose. It’s very, very sharp on one end, and as he holds it overhead he explains that it has finally become necessary to jam this thing into my forehead, turn the suction up all the way, and drain something like hamburger meat mixed with fish slurry from my body. There’s a man on the other end of the hose prepping a container that looks like it could hold at least ten gallons, so I think this might be curtains for Kyle B. I explain to the man standing over me that I need to make a blog post to get the word out about Sol Invictus, my latest gamebook app. He sighs and looks at his watch.

“Fine,” he says, “but you need to make it quick.”

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For those of you who don’t know, Heavy Metal Thunder was a gamebook app developed by Cubus Games, and it allowed players to direct a sci-fi story involving a mentally unstable jetpack infantryman in a journey across a solar system occupied by alien invaders. Now the sequel, Sol Invictus, is available, and it continues the tale of that same jetpack infantryman as he takes part in a series of military operations in outer space that result in a climax so senses-shattering that it’s been known to cast gamers to the floor in a broken heap.

It’s available for iOS and Android!

Here’s an in-depth review that really blew my mind, and here’s an interview of me that was so controversial it resulted in me being laid on a metal table and having my body shaved and ritualistically cleansed in preparation for a ceremonial mercy killing!

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To those of you wondering why I still haven’t delivered Demonworld Book Six into your hands, well… this is pretty good as far as consolation prizes go, don’t you think?

Heavy Metal Thunder now available for iPhone and iPad!

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 The long-awaited day is finally here. If you’re a fan of gamebooks or RPGs or video games and you’re looking for a new kind of game that’ll take you to the edge and back again, then it’s time to ascend balls-first into the most intense gamebook experience ever developed by the human species.

 

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If you’re not sure what Heavy Metal Thunder is, check out my interview with Cubus Games, the guys who developed the app version of Heavy Metal Thunder. That piece explains it all.

For only three bucks (the price of a cat’s tongue and a wad of human hair on the black market), why not check it out? To see the iPhone / iPad version, click here. If you’re an Android user – just hang in there!

 

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Update: Demonworld 6 and Heavy Metal Thunder App

Dear readers, I know it seems like the world has grown dark and all Kyle B. Stiffs have been lost. In an endless labyrinth of enslavement, the tale of Wodan has become only scattered fragments, a faded poster on a broken down bus, a chipped action figure clutched by a skeletal hand on the edge of a battlefield… you get the idea. Oh, the frustration that Demonworld Six is not yet available to the public!!!

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Well, here’s one piece of good news. My gamebook, Heavy Metal Thunder, is being turned into an app complete with music and illustrations by Cubus Games. I’ve been hard at work beating this thing into shape and making it worthy of the attention of the human species. We’re hoping for a release date at the end of June for all iProducts.

As for Demonworld Book Six: The Love of Tyrants, progress is being made, I assure you! I have to interact with the outside world more than I used to, but I’m researching ways for introverts to sustain and preserve their energetic life-force so that after an introvert clocks out he can truly unleash his New Age juices onto worthwhile projects. Demonworld Six is a beast, a monster, what people in the industry call “a large book”. It’s taking all I’ve got to keep things on track (note: things haven’t been kept on track very well), but I’m hoping it will be available by the end of the year.

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In the meantime, if you’re already a fan of Demonworld, then tell someone else about it. There’s no need for people to be reading a bunch of ridiculous nonsense written by jokers who don’t really care about their fans and, let’s face it, have probably written less than fifteen books before they started picking up massive checks and going on long vacations. And if you haven’t tried Demonworld yet, then… what gives?! The first book’s free!

Turns Out Harry Potter is the Hero of the Harry Potter Series

I’ve seen a lot of stuff on the internet about pulling your head out of your ass and finding out that Hermione Granger is the hero of the Harry Potter series, or Ron, or that kid that swung the sword around at the end. I’m not a scholar of the Harry Potter series. I read a couple of the books and watched the movies, and that’s it. However, I do know a great deal about storytelling, so I can say with some amount of confidence that Harry Potter is in fact the hero of the Harry Potter series.

How can I say something so utterly unenlightened and completely uninteresting? I’ll lay out my points.

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ONE. Harry is a rebel, and heroes have a very wide rebellious streak. In the beginning, when Harry is coming up with outlandish plots and batshit shenanigans, Hermione and Ron almost always argue against him (rational arguments from Hermione and outright cowardice from Ron). The general trend of any and every story ever told is that you can’t save the day by following the rules. You have to break the law to save civilization. Sounds counterintuitive, but that’s the way heroes think.

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TWO. It doesn’t matter that Harry was a jock and Hermione was a brilliant nerd. That point only matters to bookish internet types. Having high “stats” in multiple areas, like a really good role-playing game character, only makes you better able to handle various situations. It doesn’t necessarily make you the hero of the narrative you’re working within. See point one for further explanation.

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THREE. Just because neither Hermione nor Ron nor the kid who swung the sword around at the end were the main hero does not rob them of their importance. You don’t have to be the hero in order to be important. It’s egomaniacal to think so. That sort of thinking leads to the production of corporate pamphlets and posters that say things like, “THE SCENERY ONLY CHANGES IF YOU’RE THE LEAD DOG!” Just because Hermione wasn’t the hero doesn’t mean she will be rewarded with looking at an asshole for the duration of the series.

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FOUR. Harry Potter endures a death and rebirth ritual. This is another counterintuitive point, but all heroes must die and be reborn. This is symbolic of the fact that as we go through life, our ego must “die”, or be diminished, so that we can grow. Problems can’t be solved by the same mode of thought that created them, you have to lose yourself to find yourself, et cetera and all that.

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FIVE. “But Harry’s dad was an asshole and Harry didn’t do anything to deserve being the hero!” Doesn’t matter; life isn’t fair, and heroes usually need more than a drop or two of cruelty in them anyway. True heroes have to go beyond concepts like “good” and “evil” and embody all sorts of elements in themselves, even elements that make normal people uncomfortable, in order to accomplish something beyond rational devising.