Like most humans on Earth, the hell planet, Kyle B. Stiff signed up for incarnation so that he could gamble his karma in the hopes of eventually achieving enlightenment. He was most likely warned beforehand that a stint on Earth is one big scarification ritual overseen by merciless forces – and once you go in, there’s no hope of backup. He nodded and claimed that he was totally cool with all of that, signed his name on the dotted line, took a sip from the river Lethe (forgetfulness), and then found himself jacked into the matrix.
Through the walls of the womb, Kyle B. Stiff could hear screams of agony and pig-headed creatures shuffling about. Doctors high on meth and wearing blood-stained butchers’ aprons sharpened a collection of knives that would make any serial killer weep with envy; fortunately Kyle B. Stiff’s mama was an old matriarch touched by the gods, so he slid out real natural-like.
What struck Kyle B. Stiff the most was the very hard truth that we all live in fear. Most people only have enough power, wisdom, or resources to control very little, if anything, but he could plainly see that fear drives people to try to control everything. The whole situation seemed so absurd: Those at the bottom dreamed of control, and those at the top feared losing what little control they had.
What to do about the situation? Mostly, not a damn thing! Kyle B. Stiff concentrates what little power he has on making things that will entertain his fellow inmates. Sometimes he works on books in his post-apocalyptic Demonworld series, sometimes he works on his Heavy Metal Thunder gamebook series, and sometimes he just crawls down in the mines to try to dig up something that can be exchanged for food, medicine, or ammunition.
Here are some pictures of Kyle B. Stiff blowing away a horde of demented zombies using a state-of-the-art arsenal and bleeding-edge pew pews.
The end result of millions of years of evolution.
My amazing fiance, the one and only Valerie Dahmersdottir!
The above picture takes place near the end of the day when we were about to leave the range… but all of a sudden these things that I can only describe as “enemy combatants” clambered up over the berm. Frothing at the mouth, eyes wild with bloodlust, limbs flailing in a terrifying manner. A lot of the shooters turned and fled. A few tried negotiating – last mistake they ever made. I coolly loaded up a 30 round clip full of explosive “cop killer” rounds with rotating drill bits on the front (not yet available to the public) and dropped every last one of them.
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Hey readers! If you liked this post, you should check out some of my books. I’ve got an epic series called Demonworld, which is equal parts Mad Max and Lord of the Rings (think “science fantasy”), and a much-loved gamebook series called Heavy Metal Thunder which is currently a hyperlinked Kindle book but will be a fancy phone app any day now.