Did SNES Classic “Earthbound” Foreshadow the Trial of Kyle Rittenhouse?

By Kyle B. Stiff

As we delve deeper into these strange apocalyptic times, even the most level-headed skeptics are waking up in a cold sweat as they come to the realization that our current struggles were prophecied in pop culture long ago. The latest example: Kyle Rittenhouse’s battle in the streets of Kenosha was foretold in the video game Earthbound (or Mother 2) twenty-seven years before it came to pass.

There’s a lot of similarities between Kyle Rittenhouse and Ness, the protagonist of Earthbound. They are both young and tough, and driven to right wrongs. Some of you who are already rolling your eyes need to remember that Kyle wasn’t cruising around Kenosha looking for victims to shoot, but had already spent the day cleaning up graffiti, and was protecting a car lot with some friends, which is about as much of a video game mission setup as I have ever seen.

Ness investigates his hometown of Onett and finds out that a gang of criminal scumbags called the Sharks have taken over an arcade, and normal people can’t stand up to them. In Earthbound, the Sharks are just delinquints who like to make trouble, but in the real world, the rioters were a combination of Communists (like Grosskreutz), cluster B types with malfunctioning brains (like pedophile “Lil Jo Jo” Rosenbaum and skateboard-wielding Anthony Huber), and just bullies in general. In both Earthbound and in reality, the streets were no longer safe for normal people, and for some strange reason, the police were doing nothing. (In our world, they were too busy “taking a knee” and simping for people who hate them.)

In both the game and in reality, normal people lost control of their cities. Unlike most people (like me) who see stuff like this and think, “OH WELL! HOPE IT DOESN’T AFFECT ME!” both Ness and Kyle decided to stand up to evil. Kyle armed himself and stood by a car lot, wating for trouble with his teammates, and in the game, Ness took up his baseball bat and fought against the criminal Sharks.

In both cases, the bad guys got utterly BTFO… and the heroes stood alone. Both battles involved bad guys wielding skateboards as weapons. In both cases, the heroes turned themselves in to the police. And in both cases, the police were crooked!

In Earthbound, Ness was forced to fight a police force possessed by Giygas, the game’s antagonist. Ness fixes them by beating the crap out of them. In our world, Kyle had to sit and listen to slimy detectives on the witness stand who suddenly can’t remember, couldn’t see, and couldn’t hear anything. Their city was burning, overrun with cluster B’s inconsolable with rage despite being on every behavior modification drug known to man, and yet the crooked cops were seemingly spending their time in sensory deprivation chambers, totally out of the loop on anything that was going on. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so obvious what was happening.

Whether all of Earthbound will turn out to be prophetic, or if only the Onett chapter of the game foretold our era, remains to be seen.

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