You Will Never Be a God

By Kyle B. Stiff

 

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There’s a common idea in occult circles, and since it’s in occult circles then it’s also a part of pop culture. The idea is over-the-top goofy, but it’s been around long enough for the controversy to wear off, and it’s now more or less accepted. I used to believe it myself, until I had a few epiphanies off the beaten path. You’ve probably already guessed it, but the idea is that you can become a god.

You will never be a god. In fact, thanks to the Dunning-Kruger Effect, the further you are from godhood is directly proportional to how amazing you think you are. The trick isn’t to become a god, the trick is to accept being human, and to respect your limits.

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Imagine the life of the being who either made this universe and all other universes, or at least made it possible for other beings to make this universe and all other universes. This being has a consciousness that all other minds are mere reflections of, or like crude sketches based on real life. This being was not born in a family and does not belong to a nation, otherwise it would have godlike beings stationed above it. No, the being we’re talking about is the ultimate.

Imagine the loneliness of such a being. Loneliness, and in fact any emotion, can be felt to the degree that the feeler has the necessary complication to feel it. The feeling that you call loneliness is only a shadow cast by what this being is capable of feeling. You even tell yourself that you feel lonely while you are hemmed in by others of your own kind – imagine if there were no others of your own kind, and never were, and never will be!

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Boredom is also felt by this being. The fact that this universe exists is proof that such a being must feel profound boredom and crave novelty. We are even granted free will so that we won’t all line up and endlessly salute this superior being’s superiority to us. We can do whatever we want in this sandbox. We can even curse the day that we were created, if that’s what we want to do.

All this is to say that the only reason we exist is to end the boredom and loneliness felt by God. It’s not our destiny to become gods any more than it’s the destiny of ants to create spaceships. No house cat will ever write a book, no rapper will ever be as magnificent as the character they imagine when they’re making rhymes, and you will never collect enough occult Get Powerful Quick books to become a god.

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I think the lesson is to be humble. If you have any creativity, then use it. It’s not yours – you’re only borrowing it – so use it to do things that will amuse others and hopefully break up the boredom felt by God. Don’t get a big head over the fact that you did something spanktastic. All that you have and all that you are is jury-rigged talent and a brief spark of awareness shed by something infinitely greater. Anything that is made and anything that is done can be wiped out without a moment’s notice, especially if it bores or offends the creator who makes it possible.

But also don’t be too humble. There’s a lot of vanity involved in making a big show of your own insignificance!

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My books are available HERE.

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Facebook Content Moderators Live in Hell… Time to Celebrate!

By Kyle B. Stiff

I just found some pure comedy gold wandering the internets! There’s a story about the people who moderate content on facebook, and if you’ve ever wondered why your feed is relentlessly boring – it’s their fault! The story can be read HERE. It’s worth a read if you like free speech and free thought, because it turns out that the people who need their content moderated end up doing the job of moderating content (because why wouldn’t they?) and then, of course, they get traumatized because they have to look at spicy videos all day long. They’re all softies constantly on the verge of a panic attack because they saw a spicy video that they can’t handle, but they don’t see the irony in the fact that they are the people who require content to be strictly controlled. Their dumb job is their karma and they don’t even know it.

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You want to make my facebook feed boring? Good for you… you get to live in hell!

These moderators most likely believe that a normal person can accidentally see one spicy video or one spicy meme too many and then become a violent psychopath. This dumb idea is so prevalent that once you realize people believe it, you’ll spot it all the time. And the belief that people are infinitely malleable comes from the unexamined belief that people are products of their environment. We’re not. Our personality is front-loaded from the get-go and we turn our environment into a reflection of what’s going on inside of us.

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This is probably why you hear a lot of talk about how bad people are, how un-progressive they are, they’re a plague on the earth, etc. There’s a war on for your mind and we constantly disappoint those who have a controlling mentality, because you can only get people to go along with your idea of right and wrong for a short amount of time. Pull people along one way, and they’ll inevitably pull back the other way. This is endlessly frustrating for domineering do-gooders, but it’s actually one of the best things about the human species. Our impulse to stick to our true nature protects us from a nightmarish timeline in which we become the puppets of megalomaniacs for all eternity. Fortunately those timelines never last. What’s more common is that some people will get involved in a cult and everyone else will relentlessly make fun of them. Humor is a reminder to not go too far in your quest to carve an image of yourself that’s so perfect that you want to worship it. The idol always looks more goofball than you realize.

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One thing I’ve noticed about myself, and maybe it’s true for other people who are drawn to spicy videos, is an obsession with the ugly truth. The world can be pretty horrifying and I guess it kind of makes sense to create a cushion, and hell I like to be comforted too, but I hate the feeling that I’m being lied to or that I’m not allowed to sit at the Big Boys’ Table because I’m too weak to handle the scary ideas. I want to know the scary things. It’s a lot healthier to watch a spicy video about a shooting over a mattress left in an alley, or even the awful execution of those two poor Scandinavian girls in Morocco than it is not knowing how violent the world can be. Life is rough and it’s good to be reminded of that, even if from a safe distance.

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Another thing about spicy videos. I think the people who want to limit the public’s access to spicy videos have a bizarre fear that people actually enjoy them. Maybe some sick fucks genuinely enjoy them, maybe they pop some popcorn and get cozy on the couch while watching Haitian Machete Execution Compilation #7: The Un-Legging Edition, but for most people who are drawn to spicy videos, it’s more of a nauseating fascination. You watch it once, you get the gist of it, you learn the lesson, and then you never need to see it again.

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But these poor dingalings in the article, they’re so sensitive that spicy videos end up battering their consciousness and shredding their auras. The freak-out incidents alone make the article worth reading, with people threatening each other in the parking lot or having sex in the bathroom because reasons. It would be sad if they were doing something good for humanity, making sacrifices for others, etc, but since you know they think the human mind is a bonsai tree and it’s their job to prune it and shape it, it leads to a lot of unintentional comedy. They don’t have a hunger for truth, but rather, an intense desire for comfort.

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Notice that the writer of the article never questions whether social media needs to be censored, he just plays his sad violin over the office stooges who have to do the censoring. “Won’t you think of the poor censors?” he seems to ask. This attitude is increasingly common among journalists – a lack of self-awareness regarding how deeply enmeshed they are in their own worldview. He doesn’t understand that nobody gives a fwack about somebody getting paid to silence you in order to bolster the illusion that you live in a safe and progressive world, and anyone who says otherwise is a regressive meany who like totally needs to shut up already (omg)! The writer of this piece is the sort of bugman who would have absolutely no qualms with living in a world in which an “elite” class, or even an AI, controlled all of our outlets of free speech, scrubbing everything clean and making sure nobody is ever offended or sees something that challenges their belief in a world without sharp edges, and of course doxxing and non-personing anyone who doesn’t want Earth to become… well, what every place becomes when people with good intentions gain power! (Hint: It rhymes with “third-world shithole.”)

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Journalists don’t like the “learn to code” meme, but if they keep believing that everyone but them should be censored, then pretty soon the “learn to code” meme is going to be upgraded to “learn to suicide”!

Alternative Ideas for the New Star Wars Trilogy

By Kyle B. Stiff

There have already been over one billion blog posts and YouTube vids in which big-brained types have methodically broken down what’s wrong with the new Star Wars movies. The world doesn’t need another in-depth analysis, so I won’t do that… but then again, what about some bullshit brainstorming about how the story could have gone differently? So that’s what this piece is about.

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NEW ORDER

I’m not the first person to be confused about what the New Order even is, and why the battle at the end of Return of the Jedi seemingly had no effect on the galaxy. Did the Rebels forget to set up their Republic once again, and just remained guerilla fighters because they’d gotten used to it? And if the total defeat of the Imperials, including the loss of their leaders, their superweapon, and most of their big ships, really affected them so little, then shouldn’t they be acknowledged as the rightful rulers of the galaxy?

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In any case, I think it would be interesting if the storyline reflected the times we live in now. The Rebels should have remade the Republic, but then their leaders should have inexplicably gone insane and spread propaganda about Imperials being everywhere. Anyone not on board with the new rulers would be declared “literally an Imperial stormtrooper” and been censored, thrown out of their job, doxxed, and un-personed. They could post images of Darth Vader on every planet, convinced that he somehow still lived, or was magically influencing people who were not progressive Rebels. While the Empire was anti-alien, the New Republic could move aliens onto human worlds in order to combat perceived anti-alien prejudice. The human leaders of the New Republic could even undergo surgery to make themselves look more alien, slowly turning into abominations that were neither human nor alien.

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In this situation, instead of Luke turning into a titty-sucking cynic, we could have seen Leia become a villain. Lots of people have already noticed that extreme progressive views destroy beauty, so it would be interesting to see Leia, the beautiful space princess of the original trilogy, turn into a surgically modified proto-alien monstrosity. Her brother Luke, on the other hand, instead of running away because he almost killed a kid who was having a bad dream, would instead run away simply because he saw the horrible effect of everyone’s mind being controlled by something he didn’t understand, and he was genuinely afraid that his own mind would be consumed as well. Imagine a monk choosing to live far from civilization because he doesn’t understand the benefits of Antifa or Gillette ads or why the green piggy guards from Jabba’s Palace were being pushed into human resources positions in the New Republic. Remember that Luke was basically trained as an assassin by Yoda, but in this instance, he would be facing a monster that couldn’t be defeated with a lightsaber, a monster so insidious it had somehow replaced his own sister.

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Or, as terrible as it sounds, it might be interesting for Luke to realize that he will be forced to do what Yoda trained him to do so long ago: Kill a member of his own family for political reasons. How fucked up is that!? It would probably be so disturbing to him, on such a deep and fundamental level, that he would seek the solace of an alien titty because what else does he have???

 

 

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I’ve always been confused by this character. It was never explained why he had a bout of conscience and could no longer serve the New Order. If the Empire used clones for stormtroopers, it would have been interesting if the New Order used something even more disturbing, like victims of MK ULTRA who had been turned into suicidal fanatics. Imagine soldiers who had their core humanity ruined or buried under layers of traumatic programming. Maybe Finn’s programming was incorrectly administered, making him the odd man out. Or maybe joining the Rebels is a part of his programming, and he doesn’t even know it. Or maybe his programming was corrupted, so he left the New Order and joined the Rebellion, but he found the Rebels so ideologically repulsive that he couldn’t help but constantly argue with them, shouting, “Palpatine did nothing wrong!” and ruining every friendship.

Otherwise he’s kind of forgettable, isn’t he?

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REY

I’m old enough to remember a time when nerds were routinely rounded up, fitted with explosive collars, and hunted on live tv. No memorials commemorate this because nobody gave a shit about nerds in the 80s. Times are different now, and nerd culture is mainstream. However, let’s be real… times haven’t changed that much. Deep down, women don’t care about Star Wars, they just tolerate it because they don’t want us to feel like idiots for getting into fights over why Qui-Gon Jinn didn’t disappear when he got lightsabered in his gutworks. The wheels of culture are spinning hard to bring women into sci-fi, but they will never appreciate my life-size Lando Calrissian body pillow or my ability to repeat a lot of the alien dialogue from Return of the Jedi, which I can do despite the fact that it’s been many years since I’ve seen it. (If you’re curious, I can even replicate the weird voice modulation they used when Leia was pretending to be an alien bounty hunter.)

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The desire for “strong” female protagonists is powerful in everyone except audiences (they just want a good story). Progressive types like to ignore the history of interesting female characters in sci-fi and fantasy and are pushing for Mary Sue types who are good at everything and have no personality. This is how we get characters like Rey, but apparently it could have been worse. Captain Marvel is slated to be the Alpha Mary Sue, the ultimate Mary Sue of which all other Mary Sues are mere reflections, or maybe harbingers of the prophecied Mary Sue Prime who is destined to defeat Thanos.

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Anyway, Rey may be bland, but she actually fits pretty well within my idea of the New Republic becoming a totalitarian left-wing nightmare, because her absolute mastery of everything would make her a pretty scary villain. Imagine her gaze, so lacking in doubt because her mind is free of all complication, and now turn the intensity up to eleven after she gets indoctrinated by Empress Leia. What Vader was to Emperor Palpatine, the brutal feminazi Rey could be for Empress Leia, going beyond simply Not-Needing-a-Man and outright killing supposed “like literal stormtroopers” without hesitation (or, from the good guys’ perspective, massacring civilians who commit thoughtcrimes and facecrimes). Imagine if she wore a perfectly clean white uniform and even had a halo of light shining around her, because she was just that pure in her progressive beliefs. She could even use a blue lightsaber, traditional among good guys, or hell she could have a unique golden lightsaber.

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In this situation, Kylo Ren’s emo sensibilities would seem like a breath of fresh air, but still be meme-worthy. He’s the kid nobody sat with during lunch, but he’s trapped in a football player’s body. He could very well be the Jedi equivalent of the emotion felt by K from Blade Runner 2049 when he saw his girl in hologram form, lost to him forever, taken out of the home and reduced to a corporate product that anyone could buy. Hell, a Jedi master tried to kill him in his sleep; he was made for tragedy and self-doubt. In some sense, he’s the perfect hero for a dystopian sci-fi story about a civilization destroying itself via endless revolution. Luke used to dream of visiting new worlds, but Kylo could stare at his grandfather’s mask and dream of going back to a world that possibly never existed.

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A scene from Pol: The Movie

It would be interesting to see Luke and Kylo team up in episode 9 rather than shrugging off the conflict between them. Instead of one of them nearly getting bisected while taking a nap and the other one pushing his soul out of his anus so he could get sassy with someone a thousand light-years away, what if they were forced to work together to take out Empress Leia and Mary-Sue Rey? The banter would be legendary! One of them is an alien milk fetish freak who’s “too old for this shit” and the other one is absolutely convinced that the world was better when Vader was goose-stepping over Ewok and Jawa corpses. “They take our jobs,” Kylo Ren would yell at Luke, “and they drive down wages and the crime rate skyrockets!” Meanwhile Luke, ancient boomer that he is, would be like, “It doesn’t matter if they come in *legally*!” and Chewbacca would be like “UwaaWaaAaAaa!” which is pretty standard except in this movie, he would be completely shaved, looking like a mutated hairless possum and trying to pass for human so Kylo Ren wouldn’t freak out about having to team up with an alien.

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Anyway, Star Wars Episode 9: Right-Wing Traditional Jedi Values would be impossible to write in a lefty environment where sci-fi is generally seen as “problematic”, but it’s fun to speculate about an alternate universe where the mainstream can be challenged. As the noose tightens and we learn to watch what we say, we can always dream of a world where the human spirit isn’t dying from a terminal mind virus.