A Mythological Breakdown of Panos Cosmatos’ Film MANDY

by Kyle B. Stiff

Black Skulls, Jesus Freaks, and Weird Hippie-types, Man! Crazy Evil!

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MANDY depicts a mythological “war in the heavens” as seen through the highly creative lense of a lurid, high-contrast revenge film. Specifically, I think it’s a continuation of the story of Saturn’s fall at the hands of Jupiter, and Saturn’s subsequent encounter with the Gnostic resurgence that sprang out of the relatively recent discovery of the Nag Hammadi codex. In short…

RED (Nicholas Cage) is SATURN and MANDY is URANIA, muse and daughter of JUPITER

In the original Saturn myth, Saturn was either a brutal tyrant or the god-king of a golden age of plenty, depending on who you ask. In any case, there was a prophecy that he would be overthrown by his own children. In order to prevent such a future, he made a habit of eating his own children. His wife Rhea had enough of this, so she switched out one of her newborn babies (Jupiter) with a rock, which Saturn ate. That may sound strange, but then again, the actual planet Saturn does a great job of consuming or redirecting stray meteoroids on a regular basis, which helps us out a great deal. Anyway, Jupiter grew up to be a real badass, raised an army, attacked his father, pulled his siblings out of Saturn’s belly, then they all took turns beating the crap out of him. Jupiter and his siblings divided the universe among themselves, and Saturn was cast out of the heavens.

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In MANDY, our story begins with Red, an avatar or incarnation of Saturn, now laboring like a common man after his fall from grace. Saturn is a god of harvest, but also a god of limitations, of “cutting things short”, so chopping down trees is an appropriate job for his human incarnation. We see him turn down an offer of booze. In fact, before he met Mandy, he was just another one of those drunk, broken men who seem so common these days. He has also given up politics entirely, a sign that he has given up hope of ever regaining his lost throne. This is evidenced by the fact that he turns off Reagan’s speech on the radio; any other normal person, upon hearing the voice of the Great One, would have slammed on the brakes, gotten out of their vehicle, and done backflips with tears in their eyes. But not Red. He is living a simple life full of simple joys.

What makes such a life possible? Why did he not simply drink himself to death?

I believe Jupiter felt sorry for his father, and gave him one of his own daughters in marriage. Mandy is undoubtedly an avatar or incarnation of Urania, the muse of astronomy. As a muse, her thoughts are always in the clouds, focusing on her artwork, her stories, her dreams, and her curiosity about the planets (of course Jupiter is her favorite, since he made her). Red is in awe of Mandy. Since his powers are destructive, he can hardly understand how she makes such wonderful pictures. He looks at her as if she is a strange goddess, and who can fault him for that?

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Also note that when they discuss their favorite planets, Red claims that he likes Galactus the best – because Galactus eats planets, just as Red did back when he sat on the throne as Saturn!

Before we continue, you have to understand that I’m going to be indiscriminate with the spoilers. If you haven’t seen MANDY yet, then please stop reading this dumb blog and check it out. Otherwise, let’s continue.

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So Red and Mandy live in a happy bubble together, but Red’s intuition about a looming threat is ignored and Mandy is murdered. Red is even crucified (twice!), with a nail in one hand, a “crown of thorns” placed on his head (or barbed wire wrapped around his mouth, in this instance), and he is stabbed in the side by a hell-blade just as Christ was stabbed in the side by the Lance of Longinus.

Red survives, and he ends his self-imposed limitations. He opens up a bottle of booze while screaming in rage and drinks in his underwear like some kind of freak. He retrieves an old weapon, a crossbow named the Reaper – another name for the god Saturn – and then he even forges a hand-to-hand weapon. His Saturnian nature is back, because his new weapon looks like a sickle on steroids. The sickle, the scythe, and the crescent are all symbols of Saturn, for he is the Grim Reaper who knows the limit of life and marks the death of all living things. It’s interesting to note that the Book of Revelations (from the Christian Bible) has an angel who is given authority to harvest what are often referred to as the “grapes of wrath”. He sits and waits with his scythe, then when he gets the green light, he goes to work harvesting souls in an incredible bloodbath. It’s worth noting that Communism and Islam, two of the worst things that have ever happened to the human species, both use moon-shaped sickles or crescents as their symbols, which is appropriate given their unbelievable body count.

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But who is responsible for putting Red on this blood-soaked path of revenge? Who could have killed poor Mandy?!

The Children of the New Dawn are the culprits. Jesus freaks! Or… are they Jesus freaks? Actually, they are…

Gnostic Heretics!!!

It would make sense for a movie coming out of Hollywood to depict an innocent woman in a pentagram t-shirt to be kidnapped and murdered by evil Christians. If that was the case, I might see this film being a revenge story in which pagan gods band together against Christianity. However, I don’t think the cult of Jeremiah Sands represents actual Christianity, based on a few key pieces of evidence.

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Jeremiah’s intense beta and right-hand man, Brother Swan, uses an infernal device known as the Horn of Abraxas to summon the Black Skull gang. Abraxas is a chicken-headed god revered by Gnostics. He is sort of a Prime Archon, the god-being behind the creation of all other worlds. I used to be really interested in Gnosticism; anyone with a brain wired for conspiracy theory and spotting patterns can’t help but put time into researching a religion supposedly made up of the unconventional books kept out of the “mainstream” Bible. But they are heretics, calling evil good and good evil, with a bizarre creation story and alternate versions of the Gospels. There was no evil conspiracy to keep Gnostic books out of the Bible, they just don’t fit. Deepak Chopra may as well get in if we’re going to allow the Gnostics into the Bible.

Another point that the Children of the New Dawn aren’t necessarily true Bible-thumping bogeymen: Jeremiah turns Red into a martyr, then gloats over him by explaining the “problem” with Jesus – that he didn’t get someone else to do his suffering for him. This is clear-cut blasphemy, even from the perspective of a Protestant!

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In fact, our Gnostics cultists sound like characters pulled straight out of the 80s “Satanic Panic”, when it seemed like children all over America were falling into the hands of demon-worshipping pedophiles. That whole era has been brushed off as a case of mass hysteria, but it is interesting to note that Teal Swan, the world’s most hated New Age guru, says that real Satanists always pretend to be Christians, and even have their own churches. But, speaking of New Age, there’s a little of that in Jeremiah’s cult, too. When he’s trying to psychologically break Mandy, he mentions that we are all one, which is pretty much the cornerstone of New Age philosophy (aliens like to mention it to abductees, too). It even starts to work a little bit, as Jeremiah’s words and charisma work in tandem with the Chemist’s LSD and Mandy starts to see her own face superimposed on Jeremiah’s. If we are all one, then why not live as if life is a “beautiful dream” (a phrase used by the young female cultist, can’t remember her name) and live to take care of Jeremiah’s narcissistic desire for attention? He outlines his entire philosophy, how God told him that everything is all one, and thus, everything is his for the taking. A pretty convincing argument for a self-involved blowhard. But Mandy retains control over her sense of self (that pesky individual ego that all New Agers are constantly disparaging) and she laughs at Jeremiah. He’s not good enough to be anywhere near her. He can’t handle not being taken seriously, and like a true narcissist he runs to the only god he believes in – that beautiful face in the mirror! The unbelievably handsome man on the other side of the mirror tells him to never, ever doubt himself. Can you imagine the tortured sense of loneliness that must come from being a narcissist who thinks everything in the world exists only to amuse them? And the frustration they must feel when someone doesn’t perform the role the narcissist has assigned to them?

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It’s also worth noting that Jeremiah’s puffy white robe is reminiscent of the robe worn by the founder of the Raelians, a UFO cult known for gathering beautiful women who can “take care of” the leader. There’s even a pic of some of his “angels” licking cocksicles with him in the background, slobbering and looking like he can’t believe how lucky he is to be the leader of a cult. Jeremiah Sands is in a similar position, handing out religious platitudes to form a meaningful narrative around his own failed music career and the bottomless pit of horniness that makes up the life of a man.

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But Jeremiah ends up forcing Mandy into a bag and executing her, just like in her story (her prophecy?) about the starlings. He picked the wrong family to mess with. What happens next might seem like a clear case of Christians versus pagan gods, but again, I don’t think that’s the case. Despite Hollywood stories about Christians ruthlessly attacking pagans, in general the Church doesn’t compete with pagans. What do they do? Christians set up shop, they keep their hands off pagan holidays so nobody gets pissy, and then they create a cultural taboo around human sacrifice, which is a big deal in pagan religions that is never talked about. This creates a one-way pipeline into the Church. People often point to pagan roots of various Christian holy days and think it’s evidence of some kind of theft, but it’s actually proof that Christians were surprisingly *kind* to pagans; I say surprising because, given the string of violent encounters that make up historical accounts, and given Hollywood’s depiction of Christians as bullies, benign behavior is the last thing one would expect. There are, of course, exceptions. But the one-way pipeline into the Church is a real thing – until just a few years ago, nobody reverted back to paganism because nobody would willingly sacrifice a relative if there was a way out of it, and human sacrifice was a large part of pagan beliefs. It took me a long time and several history books to realize this, but that’s one of the big reasons why Christianity spread so quickly; not because “crusaders” fought every pagan they came across (get real), but because beating Uncle Jojo’s head in with a mallet is about the last thing anybody wants to do. If eating a piece of bread and saying it’s the body of a god-man who died for you so you don’t have to die for him means you can stop sacrificing dudes to invisible demons who like to ruin crops, people will do it.

Anyway, in order for the Children of the New Dawn to carry out their assault on Red and Mandy, they have to call in some muscle. They can’t do it themselves, as they mostly like laying around, watching tv, doing drugs, and having sex with each other. They’re hedonists, not fighters. That’s why they summon the infernal enforcers known as…

The Black Skulls

The Horn of Abraxas summons the Black Skulls. Just what in the hell are these weird, inhuman, demon-possessed bikers?!

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If we watch MANDY without the influence of Black Rainbow, we might imagine that the Chemist accidentally or purposefully gave the Black Skulls some bad LSD, fried their brains, and turned them into violent murder-junkies. The guy from Predator strongly implies that this is the case. However, I don’t think the Chemist had anything to do with their origin. If not the Chemist, then who created them? Or… who summoned them originally???

I believe these psycho bikers had their humanity erased by the same process that stripped Barry Nyles from Beyond the Black Rainbow of his humanity. It’s safe to assume that MANDY and Black Rainbow take place within the same universe. I believe the same drug used by Dr. Arboria – a black pool that sends one across the Abyss – transformed the Skulls into their current form. Remember, when Barry Nyles (from Rainbow) heard the words of his handler’s handler in a phone call that was not meant for him, and he decided to stop pretending to be human, he wore black leather and removed all the appendages that made him appear human. The Black Skulls also wore leather and were only vaguely human. If Barry had been a simpler man, perhaps an uneducated biker, his unfortunate trip into the Abyss might have turned him into a goon prone to short-term gain and violence, rather than give him a case of slow-burning sadism and a narcissistic split personality.

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So the Black Skull bikers were probably experiments abandoned by either Dr. Arboria or Barry Nyles. Or perhaps they escaped. In fact, they may hate their own existence more than anything else, and so they are always on the lookout for entrances into Dr. Arboria’s facility so they can kill their maker. Did you notice that the house the Black Skulls were squatting in inexplicably had a concrete-lined “bottomless pit” in the basement? Was this an entrance to the facility where Elena was kept? What about the dead man and woman in the bedroom? Were they employees of the Arboria Institute, living above the facility until they were found by the Black Skulls? The Skulls’ hatred of their creators would certainly explain why the man had been bum-fuggled to death by Knife Dong (note the blood stains around his tail pipe if you don’t believe me).

When the Black Skulls first roll up, the lights from their bikes almost look like a UFO is landing. Even the language used to describe the Skulls makes it sound as if they come from another world, thus tapping into the same dynamic often seen with aliens, demons, or Lovecraftian beings who simply should not be in our world. Note that Red and Mandy are afflicted with sleep paralysis when the bikers attack; inducing paralysis is always the first weapon employed by aliens, “shadow people”, or whatever it is that haunts our sleep. That’s a strange detail to add, isn’t it? Why not just show the bikers breaking windows, kicking down doors, and manhandling Red before he becomes a hero? The reason is because the mind of Cosmatos is tuned into contemporary myths concerning aliens, conspiracy, strange psychic powers – basically, the realm of the modern divine.

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This could also explain why they look like high-testosterone versions of the creatures from Hellraiser, the Cenobites, who are also interdimensional beings obsessed with pain. Note that a Cenobite was (historically) a type of monk, and there is something monk-like about the Skulls’ mortification and their lack of a normal sexual existence. One of them even has a knife for a dong (a what!!!), which is why I called him Knife Dong earlier (genius here). Normal human bikers might experience a lot of hangovers and wrecks, but ultimately, they want to feel good, whether they’re partying or riding fast. But the Black Skulls have been bled dry of their humanity, and all that’s left are screaming demons riding around in leather meat-suits. To paraphrase the black guy from Predator, “When I seen them things, they were in a world of pain. But you know what the freakiest part is? They fuckin’ loved it.”

One more thought, and this comes out of “left” field. When Red verbally confronts one of these creatures, he calls it a “vicious snowflake”. It might sound odd, but when you consider that “snowflake” is a term used by the right against the sensitive left, you could draw a parallel between the Black Skulls and Antifa. Both are enforcers, both seem to be demon-possessed, and many people have made the claim that Antifa (or their organizers) are paid (the Black Skulls definitely don’t work for free). Whether paid or not, they fill the role of “useful idiots”, tools to be used by others. Antifa also makes sense in our scenario because Red, being the avatar of Saturn, represents one of mythology’s greatests tyrants, a paragon of fascism, thus making him the natural enemy of our infernal version of Antifa.

OR: Far-Right Demonstration Met By Antifa Protesters

Whatever the case, after Red overcomes the Black Skulls and proves he has what it takes to hunt down the Children of the New Dawn, he finally earns the assistance of an oracle.

The Chemist

As stated, I don’t think the Chemist gave four bikers some “bad acid” and turned them into murder-junkies. Since the Chemist seems far too well-meaning and empathic to ruin the lives of four humans, even on accident, I think that Dr. Arboria is the “chemist” that the black guy from Predator is referring to; totally plausible, since we already know Dr. Arboria has access to a magical goo leading to the abyss beyond all human understanding. The Chemist from this story, on the other hand, is a very powerful psychic with hippie ideals, and he lives for the goal of enhancing human evolution through acid, which is kind of the dream of every burn-out who can’t even find their own car keys. But, of course, the Chemist is no common burn-out. He is probably more of a living force of nature like Elena, godlike but only partly connected to our world. Red does not even need to speak to the Chemist, as he can already see into Red’s mind and spirit. This brings to mind the substance “telepathine”, either a key ingredient or an alternate name for ayahuasca.

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Note that he calls Red a “Jovan warrior” – a warrior of Jupiter. Despite Red’s favorie planet being Saturn, despite his weapons being a scythe and a crossbow called Reaper, he has now fully devoted himself to another person, a daughter of Jupiter. Red has crossed over the threshold of living only for himself, which is a miserable existence, and now lives for the love of another, which gives meaning to existence. This idea is a nonsensical paradox to libertarians, but sorry, guys, it’s just the general trend of every individual’s spiritual journey. At any rate, Red’s love for Mandy, and his rage at her loss, has turned him into a blood-soaked hero who cannot be stopped.

The Chemist probably became a highly sensitive psychic empath just like Elena from Beyond the Black Rainbow. That is, he joined the Arboria Institute, went into the black goo, crossed the Abyss, saw the face of God, and returned both more and less than he was before. He came back a decent and relatively “good” person, like Elena, and unlike Barry Nyles (also from Rainbow) and the Black Skull biker gang, who lost everything that was good in them and became meat-vehicles driven by demons.

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Note that the Chemist doesn’t seem to have any problem with keeping a tiger in a cage until he sees the situation from Red’s perspective. Once he sees the noble beast from our hero’s eyes, he frees Red’s spirit animal to mark the coming of justice. In this way he acts as an oracle, in that he can become empty and see things from another’s perspective. It’s empathy taken to an extreme. As an oracle, he clears up any confusion felt by the hero and straightens out the crooked path leading to the goal.

END.

The Reaper comes as Mandy foretold and in the end Red drives through a hellish red-lit world where strange planets loom overhead. He has brought justice through violence but, like Barry Nyle in Beyond the Black Rainbow, he ends up utterly alone, riding alongside someone who is not even there. Red sees an image of Mandy and smiles, remembering a time when he was lost and alone and without his throne, but she found him and changed him. Red is lost and alone once again, but now he has weapons, he has reclaimed his mantle of godhood by snatching it from Jeremiah Sands (remember his strange insistence on his own godhood?), and he has a hopelessly fractured soul that will likely never be pieced back together again. MANDY’s ending is the bleakest I have seen in a long time.

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Beyond the Black Rainbow was set in synthetic corridors and ended in the wilderness, while Mandy begins in the wilderness and ends in an alien landscape echoing with the revving engine of a fallen god. I can’t help but wonder if Panos Cosmatos will revisit that strange world and pick up on that note of intense loneliness where Mandy dropped the viewer off without any real promise of return.

As I’ve often said on this blog, I don’t think that my Saturn-Urania-Gnostic narrative was consciously planned by director Panos Cosmatos. He’s said that story is the least important part of film. Then again, does any artist ever really understand the full picture of what their muses give them? Forces and beings beyond our understanding rampage through the collective human psyche. Atheism no longer carries any weight in its arguments, it simply asserts its own unobservant nature. The ancient gods are alive and well, and our age is the result of a war in the heavens spoken of in the Book of Revelation.

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What, you don’t think the gods are real? Panos Cosmatos gives us a glimpse into that timeless conflict, which with a little practice can be turned into They Live glasses that present our own age from an ancient perspective in realtime as it happens. I can’t help but remember when Obama was first elected, how the media blew him up, with magazine covers depicting him as a multi-armed Hindu god or as Superman. Then, during KEK’s rebellion, Trump bypassed the mainstream media, and grassroots memes flooded the internet village square like a Biblical plague of frogs. Trump promises a Jovian storm as the sickle of Islam rises over Europe just after ISIS (the same name as the Egyptian goddess) is crushed underfoot. China erects a giant statue of Guan Yu, their god of war, and the Pope’s audience chamber in Vatican City is constructed to look like a demonic serpent, complete with a background of Christ writhing in agony in hell. The magical cauldron of CERN has a symbol of three sixes intertwined and more than one conspiracy theorist has noticed that Israel’s symbol is a star with six points, six triangles, and a six-sided hexagon, indicative of the Beast of endtimes prophecy whose name is 666. It’s easy to make fun of Alex Jones ripping off his shirt and screaming about gay frogs, but without him, the idea that the leaders of the West actually dress in robes and worship a statue of Molloch in the woods would have seemed completely unbelievable. An unashamed Christian known as Q has pointed us to a mind-blowing number of sealed indictments that may one day be unsealed like the scrolls of Revelation, talking in all seriousness about an evil cult even as billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein buries the tunnels leading to his bizarre temple on Little Saint James or “Pedophile Island”. I haven’t even mentioned the black Saturnian cubes, or maybe Metatron’s Cubes, that sit in front of a surprising number of public spaces all around the world, and not just the Kaaba of Mecca.

We live in a world where everything that we have made first came from our minds, and we only vaguely understand our own minds. Even if the gods only dwell there, they still have an inordinate amount of influence over everything we do. The presence of the gods is so obvious, their conflicts so apparent once the eyes are open, that you only have to look a little ways beneath the surface of things to see their subtle wars echoing through our own lives.

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If you enjoyed this piece, please consider reading some of my books and stories available at Amazon.

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I Want to Be a CRISPR Baby!

In this edition of Kyle B. Stiff’s blog, he accidentally read an article about gene-tweaked CRISPR babies, learned about the controversy surrounding them, and then immediately lost his shit over it!

 

This is the article I’m all worked up over: https://www.technologyreview.com/s/612458/exclusive-chinese-scientists-are-creating-crispr-babies/

The short version: People be editing they babies before they come out the oven.

The longer version: Chinese scientists have “edited” the genes of some unborn fetuses to make them more resistant to HIV. Most people are horrified by the idea that we will soon be able to tamper with the genes of the unborn and create “designer babies”.

Imagine my response. Me, 3’7”, covered in bruises from insulin injection sites, literally too dumb to survive, and surrounded by low IQ neighbors and coworkers who will one day be slave labor for (genetically modified) aliens: “Nooooo don’t do it we must not make better humans, eugenics = Nazis!!!”

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I don’t know people, do we want to have seven foot tall humans who are healthy and strong and have an IQ over 200???? Sounds like a nightmare amirite, imagine not having any diseases!!!!!!!! Please kill me now!!!!!!!

On a super serious note, I cannot WAIT for celebrities to come out against this. I really want to hear what a bunch of 6’2” motherfuckers in perfect health and above average IQ and unusually high charisma have to say about the issue, my 4’2” ass is on the edge of my seat waiting to hear their normie take on this.

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Oh, and HERE’S an article that mentions how CRISPR will usher in an era of GENETIC INEQUALITY. Yeah, because right now we have genetic equality! Good Lord! How naive can you be!?

(Looks in the mirror, sees a tiny beardless diabetic manlet staring back at him.) “Repeat after me: My genes are just as valuable as anyone else’s. Now say it again – this time without laughing!”

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I’m starting to wonder if the people opposed to eugenics and genetic tinkering are just people with good genes who want to keep their current market dominance, and they truly believe that the rest of the species can just go fuck themselves. Looking at CRISPR as anything other than a necessity is no different from somebody born into wealth going to a blog about poor people getting their finances in order and telling them, “Eeeeey you got it good as it is, quit it with the self-improvement, what are you a Nazi or something?” and then peeling out in their exotic foreign car while their hot girlfriend squeals in delight.

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What if I had a son right now, knowing that his height and physical strength would be equivalent to mine? What would I say to him, knowing full well what was waiting for him, but I did nothing to change it?! “Sorry little fella, but you’re going to have a tough time. You’ll have to get used to not really being ‘one of the guys’, so when they’re playing sports and making friends, you’ll need to concentrate on reading, video games, things like that. Hey there’s some great games out there, so the sky’s the limit, when you think about it. As you get older and the others start pairing off, you know, boys and girls and the circle of life and all that, hopefully you’ll have some hobbies by then that you can give your attention to. I pray you won’t have the anxiety issues that your old man has, otherwise you can forget about holding down a high-paying job. You’ll be lifting boxes for a living, and you’ll be working with big, strong guys, and they won’t be patient with you if you can’t keep up. Those big guys, they can afford to be lazy and dial it in some days, but you won’t be able to do that. Hell even if you manage to get a job where you can use your brain, statistics show that height still plays a big role in determining how far you’ll go, so… again, sorry, my son. However, I think you’ll agree that it would have been unethical to enhance – I mean, *modify* your genes before you were born. Also loooooool enjoy being diabetic lolololol!!!!! Don’t worry they gonna cure it soon, I been hearing that my whole life lololololol!!!!”

Oh and dear readers, just so you know – the comments section is reserved exclusively for ladies who want to claim they don’t like tall, muscular men! If you have anything to say other than that, take it to some other blog, okay!!!!!!!

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Hoo wee, I got heated on this post! If you want to read some of my books and short stories – all of which were written while in a calm, collected state of mind unclouded by years of anger and resentment fueled by bad genes, you can check out my Amazon page HERE. In fact I have an entire series that involves genetic manipulation, and you can find it HERE.

War Is Not Stupid!

By Kyle B. Stiff

 

I’ve been noticing something goofy that crops up in TV shows on a regular basis, and since it’s normal for us to mistake TV for an accurate representation of reality, I thought I would shine a light on this incredibly inaccurate thing that all TV writers seem to believe.

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Imagine a story about two war-torn nations. Their leaders want to end the fighting, but it’s just so difficult because hatred feeds into more hatred and the cycle of violence continues. The characters in the story make all kinds of pronouncements on the folly of mankind, “Alas war is a part of our nature” and “god damn we must be fuckin’ stupid to keep fighting like this” etc etc. Finally a special negotiator is brought in to help the two sides work out a peace treaty OR the two leaders meet on their own and both of them wring their hands wondering just how they can get their people to stop fighting. “How can we overcome the folly of human nature!” “I hear you brother, it seems that both our people hunger for war, are we not a fucked species!!!”

This pattern crops up in TV a lot, and once you see it you can’t un-see it. So what’s the problem? The problem is the commonly held belief that war is started or continued out of anger. It isn’t! War is a carefully calculated venture that people have to be compelled to take part in. It happens because it benefits someone (and not always who you might expect). Blind rage has surprisingly little to do wtih it!

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We often think of war happening because of stupid leaders forcing their lemming-like followers to die for their benefit. A more realistic scenario is that leaders are expected to provide results for their underlings – that is, the people who have them by the balls. Nobody follows a leader just because he has a nametag that says he’s the leader; a leader is someone willing to take responsiblity, which is absolutely terrifying to most people. That’s why we look up to leaders. They’re willing to put their names on projects that could potentially fall apart. That’s one big reason why Nervous Nellies like me don’t become CEOs, but people with a high threshhold for fear and pain and embarrassment do become CEOs.

As soon as someone has taken a position of leadership, they aren’t surrounded by lemmings who yearn to take orders and be dominated. No, they’re surrounded by people who want results, and some of those people want results so badly, they’ll turn on the leader if they have the opportunity. If profits go down, somebody’s balls go into the fire – and someone always has the fire going, just in case.

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This is why it’s silly to worry about the President having access to the “nuclear football” as if it’s dangerous. I heard this argument about Trump more than once – “He could push the button at any time!” There are really dopes out there who have this mental image of Biff Tannen sitting in the Oval Office, shaking his head while a blood vessel is pounding in his forehead, somebody made fun of him and now he’s more A*N*G*E*R*E*Y*Y*Y than he’s ever been before… “Fuck it, let’s see what these cocksuckers have to say when I launch the nukes!!!”

Obviously it doesn’t work like that. Even small nations that go to war have to have heads of state discussing plans with heads of business, everybody’s on the phone with foreign contacts, there’s arguing and rationalizing about potential gains, possible risks, can they get the public to go along, etc. War is so vastly complicated and requires such a high degree of intelligence and cooperation that you might as well believe someone could start a successful business in a fit of rage, or paint a masterpiece while blinded by anger.

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And the idea that war is a part of human nature? Tell that to anyone who’s trained soldiers. The training that turns a civilian into a soldier is so demanding that most people can’t even handle it. Soldiers firing over the heads of the enemy and missing on purpose (as long as they are not in immediate danger) is a very real thing that has to be drilled out of people. If war was a part of human nature then you would see neighboring towns self-organize into small armies and raiding one another on a regular basis. Why wouldn’t they?! You could replenish your population indefinitely as long as even a handful of males survived. And yet countries are full of towns that don’t even have walls or moats, because they (realistically) never expect the next town over to attack them… even if they are rival sportsball enthusiasts!

Even a simple bar fight is difficult to pull off due to human nature. As a huge drunk who has spent way too much time in bars, I have never seen a bar fight where two guys squared off and their friends stood behind them shouting encouragement and egging them on. What almost always happens is that two guys will want to fight, but either one or both of them will have a friend with their arms wrapped around them holding them back, “Eyo yo yo it ain’t worth it mang ch-ch-chill out bro man it ain’t worth it” etc. This is human nature. It happens far more often than actual bloodletting, but it’s not often documented because it’s boring! What’s your favorite almost-fight-scene from TV? You don’t have one – nobody does!

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Obviously I’m not saying that violence never occurs. It does. But I think it’s important to dump the idea that senseless rage drives large groups of people into self-organizing Murder Squads. Humans aren’t stupid. If they’re forming into armies and attacking someone, it’s for a reason, and that reason usually has to do with people in the middle wanting results from people at the top, and then it has to be carefully packaged to the people at the bottom. If war was a part of human nature, then war wouldn’t have to be packaged in a narrative. We wouldn’t tell ourselves that we’re doing something regretable in order to accomplish something good or necessary. Our leader would just stand up and announce, “This year we will attack… let’s see… (looks at his map, then spins an empty bottle)… the nation to the east! All males report to the eastern border and kill the first motherfucker you see!!!”

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But seriously, this idea of a peace negotiator trying to stop rage-induced war happens a lot on TV, but there’s one specific instance in Star Trek: The Next Generation that is so dumb and so over-the-top that I can’t believe no one else has ever noticed it or made fun of it before. In that episode, there’s a planet where these people who look like apes are locked in an endless war. I guess they look ape-like because only unevolved people wage war, yadda yadda etc etc. Anyway, the Federation is so desperate to help these people end their war that they pull out all the stops. That’s right, you guessed it, they recruit the ultimate negotiatior… a man capable of ending even the most balls-out conflict ever imagined. He could even get a libtard and a right-wing death squad member to hug each other with tears streaming down their faces. I can’t remember the guy’s name, but this motherfucker walked around in a white robe, and his mind was in such a peaceful state that he couldn’t even speak for himself – he had to have three psychic people follow him around and narrate what was going on with the three different aspects of his mind. So they teleport this freak down into the no-man’s-land between the two armies so they can negotiate for peace. Once they set up the tables, some chairs, a Coke machine or whatever, then the guys from the opposing sides walk up – and, get this – they’ve got their rifles out, pointed, fingers on the triggers, looking around like they think that the alien from Alien is going to jump out at them! Have you guys ever watched the news and seen dudes from Hamas or the PLO negotiate with the Israelis while they all have their guns pointed at each other?! Of course not! Leaders negotiate peace treaties when their people (their sponsors) are ready for peace. They don’t do it in the middle of a conflict when all of their underlings are still expecting to get some sort of profit out of the affair. Anyway, I can’t remember what happened in that episode of Star Trek, but of course things went wrong… I think Worf ended up beating some guy’s head in with a 2×4, I don’t know.

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I realized this frequent scenario was retarded when I started studying history. I was just as guilty as everyone else when it comes to thinking that war is just a facet of human stupidity, and that we have to leave it behind in order to evolve. We might minimize warfare, but we can never end it entirely. The species capable of ending warfare among themselves would have to be so spiritually castrated and so lacking in will and drive that over time their brains would degenerate. They would become like cattle, and eventually a harder, stronger species would come along and either enslave them or just take their shit and leave them with nothing. And the stronger species wouldn’t necessarily be monsters, either (although they might be). They could just be a civilization led by people given the grim task of making sure their people prosper… just like all leaders are.

We are in an era sort of like that now, where some humans crave peace so much, and are such natural servants, that they would serve the first alien species that landed. Just look at the comments section on any story or video about aliens – it’s always full of species-traitors quick to judge their own kind!

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In studying history, I realized the importance of cutting people some slack… especially people at the top. Everyone’s back is against the wall, everyone is dealing with situations that aren’t ideal. The people at the bottom like to point the finger and blame their leaders for everything. But that’s the good thing about being at the bottom, isn’t it? You get to remain blameless and let others take responsibility for making impossible decisions!

 

If you enjoyed getting butt-blasted with the unasked-for opinions of Kyle B. Stiff, then please consider reading some of his books and stories, all of which were written to be entertaining (unlike this blog post) and can be found HERE.

Heavy Metal Thunder 3 and Other Updates!

By Kyle B. Stiff

First off, forgive me for leaving you guys with no updates for so long! Now, it should go without saying that the B. Stiff was working like mad the entire time, tirelessly giving everything he had just so you – my precious readers – might be entertained. We already know that’s what I was doing, right? Great! Then let’s move on.

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First bit of good news! Heavy Metal Thunder 3: Slaughter at Masada is now available for pre-order at Amazon! Sorry, but it looks like there won’t be a fancy app version. The last time I visited Cubus Games in Barcelona, I was horrified to see their studio in flames. I went inside with my gun held ready, but I was too late… they had all been shotgunned to death by nihilistic murder-junkies from a timeline abandoned by God. Some of my slain allies even had signs of torture, with their you-know-whats twisted into oversized pretzels. I swore vengeance on those who… well, I was going to swear vengeance, but I had a lot on my plate, you know? I figured someone would sort things out.

But anyway, the third installment of the Heavy Metal Thunder series will launch on July 11, but you can preorder a copy right now. How amazing is that?

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I’m also close to finishing VOIVOD Book 3: Forest of Spears, which brings our historically accurate tale of Vlad the Impaler up to the fateful events of 1462 AD, when… ah, but I can’t give it away! Let’s just say that all the goofy tales of blood-sucking vampires can’t even come close to matching the REAL and largely-unknown saga of Vlad and a few  brave knights taking a stand against something so horrific that we can hardly imagine it today, what with being modern-day, pigeon-toed, narrow-shouldered man-children.

I haven’t forgotten about Demonworld, either. I promise, once VOIVOD is done (four books total, third is about to drop), then I’ll work on Demonworld until it’s complete. I’ve dragged it out for far too long!

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At the risk of sounding annoyingly vague, I’ve also been involved in some other… projects. Many projects, in fact. Out of all of them, only one fell apart when the project lead collapsed in a fit of anguish and shrieking paranoia during the relatively carefree early stages of the project. I tend to work alone (that’s part of what makes me seem so cool), and that incident taught me a lot about the mindset a person needs to have in order to be a part of a team. However, all of the other projects are moving along! Who knows, we might even see the B. Stiff place his gentle (yet powerful) hands on some story-based projects that aren’t books.

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Which is great, because how big of a nerd do you have to be to actually read a book?!? Seriously!

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A Child Molestor for a Hero

By Kyle B. Stiff

I’ve been doing some research on ritual abuse and I’ve been noticing the very human tendency to cover up this sort of thing, not for fear of being associated with it and going to prison, but merely because it is disturbing. The hardest thing to deal with in the accounts of the victims is the inevitable part of the story where normal people who aren’t even associated with the abuse either ignore what is happening or actively try to silence the victim. Hearing this kind of crap has reminded me of being a kid and dealing with adults who I always saw as “weak” or hopelessly naive.

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I didn’t know it at the time, but I always had really intense insight into people when I was a child. It’s common for a kid to think they’re more knowledgable than adults – that’s like the curse of childhood, a terminal case of overestimating your own abilities, right? But in my case, I really could see through people. I always had my own estimation of people that existed outside of consensus opinion. This insight even kept me from getting molested! I remember there was a choir director in the church where I grew up. I knew he was a pedophile just by looking at him – and yes, I even knew what a pedophile was! I think my parents thought I was joking when I called him a pedophile, even though his kids walked around looking like shell-shocked victims of trauma. Anyway, one day this guy even had the balls to call my home, ask for me, and then he invited me to come over and play with his train set. I was used to obeying authority, but I told the guy I didn’t want to, and hung up on him. As far as I was concerned, I had dodged one hell of a bullet, and ran to tell my mom what had happened. You know what that little lady said to me? She said I should have gone to his house – I might have had fun!

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The thing is, I think this is pretty typical of the way most people think. Maybe they’re completely out of touch with their own “shadow”, or they have to learn something before they can know something – but whatever the deal is with them, their defenses against monsters are weak because they can’t even imagine that monsters exist. It’s just so far outside of what they consider within the realm of possibilities. For me, I’ve always known that the world is a dark place. My psyche won’t shatter at the possibility that sometimes bad people pretend to be good people so they can rape children. You have to be rough to defend good people and good things!

But eventually I realized that other people can’t handle thinking of stuff like that. They aren’t psychologically built to walk in darkness for any length of time, so they avoid it entirely. I started looking down on adults when I was in my pre-teens because I saw them as weak, and I think I even turned into a bully because of that. Not an overt bully, of course, I wasn’t a mean-spirited little shit, but I definitely wanted the adults in my life to grow up a little bit. So what I did was… I started talking about a known child molestor who lived in our town. I talked about him all the time. I made jokes about him and acted like he was my hero. I even wrote stories about him! I can be sued if I give his real name, so let’s just say he was called Drankie Foul. He was kind of a character. Semi-retarded, extremely ugly, fat, lived in poverty, walked around town a lot, and went to church so he could look for victims. Drankie was a degenerate. He had raped some kids and spent a few years in prison, but was now a member of the community. I guess as far as they were concerned, raping kids was just a phase he had gone through, kind of like when a kid goes through a skateboarding phase!

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I kept cracking jokes about him and getting other kids to laugh and talk about him because I knew the adults were way too pussy to stop me. Ultimately, I knew that if they called me out on always talking about Drankie Foul, I could play my ace card: I’m just a kid. But you’re an adult, and if you know this guy is a pedophile, why don’t you get a gun and go handle your business? Oh, you don’t want to do that? Then how about I just keep talking about Drankie all day, every day, as often as I want to?

Then again, maybe more people have “dark streaks” in their aura than we realize. You ever read an article about a child molestor and then check out the comments section? Lots of people want to kill child molestors! Even people in prison want to stomp perverts, they can’t stand to be around them! I’ve been hearing about pedophile rings being broken up recently, with lots of arrests being made. I hope it’s true. I hope it’s true because life is always better when good people focus their aggressive instincts like a laser rather than pretending that the dark spots on their soul don’t exist.

Script for an Insanely Stupid but Popular TV Show

A scene involving some Persons…

Person 1: You’re gonna do what I say, and we’re not going to talk about why you’re going to do it! That way we can have a stupid misunderstanding that will get the audience all worked up!

Person 2 (to another Person): Nothing was explained to me so I’m going to assume the other Person is a retard. Looks like you and me are going to have to deviate from the plan so nothing will get resolved in this episode and everyone will keep yelling at each other.

Person 3: But won’t that jeopardize what we’re trying to do?

Person 2: Yeah pretty much. And you might think that I should explain things, but I’m not going to explain anything. I’m just going to walk away.

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Let’s All Drop What We’re Doing While Kyle B. Stiff Gives His Opinion About Blade Runner 2049 As Far As It Pertains to Using the Bathroom

By Kyle B. Stiff

Blade Runner 2049 was an amazing movie, but I don’t understand why Hollywood producers don’t understand why it didn’t make a lot in the box office. For one thing, nobody can hold their bladder for more than two hours, especially if they drank a giant Coke during the half hour of trailers and ads that played beforehand. Also every single person in America – even people who live in poverty – have giant TVs with beautiful high-definition pictures, and an audio setup that sounds better than movie theaters. Movie theaters jack up the volume so high that even a deaf motherfucker like me can hardly handle it. Who in the world wants to pay twenty dollars just to get blasted with sound while they need to pee, not to mention while they wonder if the person sitting behind them is going to pull out a gun and get their fifteen minutes of fame?

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Probably what they’re going to have to do for a big film release is a pay-per-view kind of thing where people can stream it from home. That’s the only option. It’s either that or have robots that blow you while you’re in the theater. I certainly don’t want big budget movies to go away. Blade Runner 2049 hit me so hard in the feels that it was like catching a glimpse of the Almighty. It was amazing. But if Hollywood producers just keep throwing up their hands and not giving the matter a little thought, then eventually we will never see anything like Blade Runner 2049 ever again. We’ll only see Madea movies and romantic comedies. That’s all that will be available.

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I just had another idea. I’m old so I remember that films, especially long ones, used to have an “intermission”. Halfway through the film, the screen would go black and music would play. You could get up, take a piss, pinch one off, have a powerful vomit, or just do whatever you needed to do so that you wouldn’t spend the last half hour bent over and holding your dick, whispering, “Don’t do this to me! Don’t do this to me!”

Maybe they could try something like that?

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