Unnecessary Music Section

Let’s face it: You like a certain kind of music, and the only person who cares about the music that you listen to is YOU. Your brain is wired in just such a way that the music you listen to sounds unbelievably amazing, inspiring, unforgettable, but when you blast your incredible jams, your neighbor is praying for a city-wide blackout so that he can have a few minutes of rest from something that sounds like ducks being strangled.

Crucifixion at a Gorgoroth show.

Don’t take that as an insult, dear reader. It’s a part of the human condition. I think the fact that each of us lives in isolation and dearly loves certain kinds of music that no one else gives a shit about is more painful for young people, who are often deluded enough to believe that they can spread their musical taste in an effort to create a utopia of amazing jams. Remember being young and giving people “mix tapes” full of music that you knew would blow them away? Remember getting mix tapes from other people and being blown away by the trite, silly, pretentious, and just plain awful music that was taking up your time? Who among us has not witnessed the tragic horror of seeing the other person’s face light up as they prepared to ask you what you thought of their awful music, and you had to search your memory for a particular song that didn’t completely put you off?

“Any man who is born to become king, becomes king. Any man who is born to be a slave… doesn’t know Satan.” – Gaahl, frontman for Gorgoroth

I think all of us kind of realize this is going on, at least on some level, and yet we STILL share music… sometimes on facebook, SOMETIMES IN REAL LIFE. The drive is powerful, but completely hamstrung from the outset. And that’s what this section of the blog is about. I am not an idiot, dear readers; I am fully aware of the fact that not a single human being out there – no, not even one – gives a shit about the music I’m into. I’m not deluded. But I’m still haunted by this idea… what if… just WHAT IF there is another moron out there, someone as idiotic as myself, who really loves black metal and video game soundtracks AND TOTALLY WANTS TO LISTEN TO SOME WHILE VISITING THIS BLOG?!?

Oh yeah, that could totally happen!

The searing pain of rending flesh! The eternal battle, the unending struggle!

PS. Note that the comment left by user “Erica” comes from a bygone era when this section was called “Badass” and, in theory, it was meant to act as a catch-all for disturbingly hilarious stuff that couldn’t easily be tucked into other categories. In practice, I ended up posting music in the Badass section, which is why I changed Badass to Unnecessary Music. However, I didn’t want to scrap the entire section because I thought Erica’s comment was cool. I thought it kind of helped to highlight the fact that normal, healthy people have an incredibly difficult time spotting psychopaths. As a vigilante who routinely hunts down psychopaths in an urban jungle while successfully evading a well-meaning but woefully antiquated police force, I have an understanding of psychopathy that rivals that of someone who minored in psychology and sold all their textbooks without even opening them.

Simian valor.

An argument concerning the superiority of the Bloodhound Gang over the Beastie Boys takes a turn for the hilarious.

*     *     *

Hey readers! If you liked this post, you should check out some of my books. I’ve got an epic series called Demonworld, which is equal parts Mad Max and Lord of the Rings (think “science fantasy”), and a much-loved gamebook series called Heavy Metal Thunder which is currently a hyperlinked Kindle book but will be a fancy phone app any day now.

2 responses to “Unnecessary Music Section

  1. I honestly don’t know what to say to that. Do you have any idea what those last pictures are of? Have you not heard of child soldiers? Are you a sociopath? Those pictures are not funny. You are not funny. I don’t care who you are, what you think of the world, or what you’ve done-you cannot go around making light of child soldiers or thinking it’s cool. It is not. You need to shut up, get your priorites straight and stop being an ass-hole.

    • Hey Erica, thanks for the comment (and I mean that). It’s not that I think child soldiers are cool or even a healthy practice for any society; it’s more like I enjoy throwing these images in people’s faces with happily grotesque commentary because I like showing people what the “real” world looks like. I’ve always hated, and even been insulted by, the world portrayed by television commercials. I hate to see clean-cut people acting incredibly incompetent, and then by the end of the twenty second spot they find a product – and ohhhhh God how fulfilling it is for them. Now, not only is that portrait of humanity completely vile (whitewashed, soulless, in need of this or that product), it’s also built on this edifice of atrocities that most well-meaning honkeys simply know nothing about: A world in which dictators are propped up, where dissenters are crushed by a machine that needs a constant supply of fresh soldiers, and where the people on the bottom are turned into objects whose reason for existence is to make other cheap objects. One would think that the diamond industry would completely fall apart overnight if consumers were given even a fraction of information on how that industry works and how many lives it destroys – but, nope! Even now “only a diamond will do!”

      Also, keep in mind that sociopaths *never* show their true colors unless they know for a fact that they can get away with it. They smile, they present a nice image of themselves, they make all the right moves… when it comes to soullessness, it usually “looks fair but feels foul” and, since most people (even healthy ones!) don’t trust their feelings, sociopaths get away with murder. Me? I’m just a guy who sees ugly things in a beautiful world, and I want other people to see it too. Sorry if things got disturbing.

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